n i c c o t y n n e /is/ n v r m n d

Withered and shrunk,
In decay I lie.
My youth has left me,
My strength abandoned me,
My health deserted me.
I am nothing but a breathing corpse.

From cradle to grave,
Darkness shrouds me.
And in darkness I remain.
You offer light, I have chosen darkness.
You promise life, yet I have preferred death.

I have everything,
Everything to myself,
Everything to my selfish gain;
But does it matter now?
Clock ticking, life passing…

I have wanted too much food;
Full stomach, yet empty heart.
I have wanted too much wine;
Yet it could not quench the thirst
For the true meaning of my existence.

I have wanted too big a house;
Yet it fails to shelter from pain and suffering.
I have wanted the best clothes to cover my body;
Yet I still shiver in loneliness.

I have wanted all the wealth of the world,
The best of everything,
Comfort and luxury;
Yet I am never fulfilled by the unreal,
My heart yearns for the Real.

I have wanted too much control over things;
Yet having no control over my own life,
Nothing is within control.

I have wanted a say in everything,
Power over the others,
Yet having problem deciding what to do with my own life.

I have wanted to indulge myself,
Do anything I want,
And I force my way through;
At the end of days,
I suffer in loneliness.

I have wanted to be noticed,
To be respected and looked up to,
To be adored and loved;
Yet I look within with disgust.
I put on masks and build walls:
Like the white-washed tombs,
Nothing’s inside but rottenness and decay.
Who cares anyway?
I am the centre of the universe.

I have wandered too far,
Wanted too much!
I have everything,
Yet owning nothing.
I have wanted too much
Until I know not what I want…

What will I get
If I gain the whole world
But lose my very soul?

Clock ticking, life passing… 

/ niccotynne is jiwa kacau – =)  /